Stepping Out of Limbo

In September, I posted a blog about how I didn’t care much about entering my senior year of high school.  Basically, it was just a bunch of complaining and moaning. 

You can look at it here;

http://sweetwaffles.wordpress.com/2008/09/03/cranium-in-limbo/

…(not that it’s worth reading).

Since I just graduated, I’ll dedicate this blog to discussing my future plans.   I’ve matured a lot.  Looking back on that blog in September, I almost feel ashamed of myself.  I was scared of the future, which is understandable; but I was not completely willing to step up and do something about it, which is not as forgivable.  I should have tried to make the most of my situation, and I just whined about wanting to be in ninth grade again. 

Now that college is the next step in my life, I’m starting to get serious about my future.  My girlfriend and I did apply to Virginia Tech for the early decision application.  I was deferred and she was accepted.  Then for the regular decision application, I was put on the waiting list.  In the middle of all this, I was almost wishing for a definite no instead of a possible yes.  I really wanted to know what I was going to do in the future.  

Last week I received my rejection letter.  It’s going to be tough seeing Mindy go, but I’ll attend community college for a year and transfer to Tech without any problem.  I’m very happy for her, and I wish her the best of luck.  I’ll get to see her at every home football game! 

As for my career path…Ahhh, I guess I’ve got some more life to live first.  I’m going to fill this summer with books and knowledge and Mindy.

Procramstination

I can’t cram these thoughts into words. I just keep thinking and thinking. There are so many things that I want to get done, but I can’t convince myself that they need to be done. Do my flippin’ homework, get rid of all the useless junk in my room that just takes up space, learn how to drive, and be a better person.

I haven’t done any of my summer assignments besides read The Grapes of Wrath. And that doesn’t really count for anything because I can’t prove I did it.

So far this summer, I have done……..not too much productive. I mean, I got a job, but I hate it. I read a bunch of books, and that was great, but again it doesn’t really count for anything. I guess I can tell you what my favorite book that I read this summer was A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby. Actually, that may be my favorite book, period. I lost myself reading it, and that’s usually how I judge if a book is good or not. But this book is so much more that just a story. I’m not going to tell you about it, though. You should go read it yourself. Oh, and it introduced me to Nick Drake. Wow, I don’t know if you’ve heard any Nick Drake, but this guy’s music is exactly what I feel like on a lonely day when I should be doing my homework, but can’t convince myself to do it.

Anyway,

I should have a) done my homework, b) gone driving much more than I did, c) learned French like I told myself I was going to do, then I could have d) read as many books as I wanted to.

Mindy was even gone for a whole month. I don’t want to complain, though. She is my personal monster and I love her. And I did get to see her quite a bit. Come back, sweet Summer! I should have made you last.

And I didn’t even get a Spring break. I was walking around Disney World with Sartre’s The Wall in front of my face the whole time.

Offended

Why is it that some people get so offended when they find out that I’m an atheist?

It’s like they feel threatened somehow, and I never say anything to them about what I feel unless they ask me to. I rarely get to state my opinions because my family and church keeps telling me that I’m wrong (yes, my parents make me go to church). I keep my mouth shut in most situations. I don’t want to argue, and I don’t want people to look down on me.

I took off work so I could go camping with Mindy and her family this weekend. I’m excited, but I always feel so out of place with them. Actually I feel out of place with everyone except Mindy.

Payday on Thursday! Hooray!

Piece this together!

I’ve become a bit of a loony. Mindy has come back and I don’t feel like making sense! I’m so happy and almost incognito. I have no qualms with being a strategically placed love manager. My brain is a rush of movable carry-on suitcases.

Mindy made me go home and read! And I don’t want to read The (Silly) Grapes of Wrath. She told me to read 100 pages. I read 50. I wanted to read 100 pages for her, and the book is very poetic, it’s just when I am required to read something, I really don’t want to! I hate being held responsible for annoying tasks of inevitability.

And it’s most likely that in the first week of school, the class will have a “meaningful”, collaborative/group discussion about the myriad underlying meanings of Steinbeck’s classic, epic novel. Not me!!!! I refuse to pick apart a good book. Isn’t the entertainment enough? The never ending struggle of man versus himself? I can appreciate a book without taking apart and piecing together every single sentence. BLEHHHH!!!

Mindy, I promise I will get all my homework done with time to spare, because I love you and because I want to do a good job.

Lonesome

I’m getting really impatient. Mindy will be home today at around five. And guess what; I’ll be working! Is it really worth making the money if I have to be away from my girlfriend?

I am going to buy her things, so I guess it works out okay, but I wish I made more money. Minimum wage just went up, but that just means everything else will go up too.

I’m so restless! I don’t feel like doing anything except holding her, and she’s not here…

If I get some kind of disease…

I was working today (at my horrible minimum wage job), and I cut my knuckle on a beef rib that I was peeling fat from. The water that all these ribs are in is obviously bloody and nasty. I have major problems with doing this work anyway, and now I could get Mad Cow Disease or something! I need a different job, but there aren’t any. Why do first jobs have to be so awful?

I also got my AP scores in the mail the other day. I ripped them up after looking at them.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not usually a violent person, but 3s on all of my tests? I wasn’t expecting to do incredibly well with Biology or History, so I wasn’t angry about that. But English? That’s my subject! I was expecting at least a 4. I did extremely well on my practice test. And I always did well on my in-class essays. I truly do not understand what happened. I felt like the test was easy while I was taking it, and I wrote solid essays. I wish I could see my scores for each section of the test, but college board doesn’t let you see.

Mindy comes home on Saturday, so I am very excited about that. She’s been gone for a month!